Torment fan's dictionary (Humor)

DISCLAIMER: I am not the author of this dictionary, only the translator. All credit goes to Gantodalon and Zsu-Et-Am on wieloswiat.blog.pl.

Also, sorry if this is not the right forum and for all other mistakes.

This is the dictionary by tormenters – those who know Planescape mostly from the game, novels and skimming the Manual of the Planes, based on based on study of those materials and long observation of individual cases on the Web (mostly Polish boards and sites) and on conventions: 

Acheron – orc heaven, metal cubes pointlessly banging against each other where renegades, deserters and rebels fight after death for no reason until they die again. 

Alignment – determined via a complicated cell system, taking into account fluctuations caused by moon phases, the latest Linux Red Hat version and the color of the central pixel on the first image on a random news portal. This allows Fall-from-Grace to be lawful neutral despite obvious good behavior and Ignus to be chaotic neutral no matter he burned an entire street down complete with everybody who lived there. The biggest upside of this system is a doubtlessly chaotic modron. By the way – the creator of original Planescape used this method pretty often as well. 

Archons – angels, mostly devas. They spend most of their time flying and singing. Amoral and not very perceptive – once per 20 years will they notice a retired demon queen is living right under their noses. Sometimes they cause people to turn inside out because they were playing dice. 

Athar – Known from religiousness, they have a huge temple in Sigil. 

Baatezu – a fiend worth respect, because they are less likely to jump at you from behind a corner. Generally like a celestial, except less gay 

Beastlands – thistles with diamond seeds you can get into and then fly around and hot catgirls for everyone. 

Briaur – horned centaur that sits like a dog. 

Chaos worshipper – not to confuse with a Xaositect, a subspecies of tormenter that likes variety. Takes it a point of honor to weed out all normalcy from the Cage. No humans, every other fork in a tavern is a wand of magic missiles (sorry – Dark Black Missiles Of The Bottomless Abysss) and a portal to the Plane of Fire can be found even in a the vagina of a whore from Hive. 

Dabus – tall horned guy named Fell. Makes magic tattoos. Dudes similar to him float around Sigil and wall people in nooks or chase them in dungeons above rivers of liquid iron. Besides tools produced from their sleeves they carry magic sticks with which they throw spells at attacking flyers. 

Dak’kon – see Githzerai. 

Faction – one of six organizations in Sigil. Real planewalkers know there are seven of them, because they had five minutes to chat with Bedai-Lihn. Other than that there are a lot of freaky names and some NPCs insist there are fifteen factions. They don’t have much importance and nobody really knows what they are here for. One of the great mysteries of the multiverse. 

Gate-town – so we have the Crust… And, well, erm… Crust, Crust, Crust and Crust. And… hmmm… Ribcage? Oh, and Crust! 

Githzerai – see Dak’kon 

Githyanki – nobody knows what’s that, but Dak’kon doesn’t like them, so they’re probably evil. 

Human – endangered species in Sigil. Anybody who’s read “Torment” knows well that 99.999999% of the mortal population of the Cage is made up by tieflings, aasimars and Chaos mutants. On a hardcore chaosman’s session (see: Chaos worshipper) a human can usually be found in a lavatory, getting his wooden legs attached. 

Ignus  - an interesting riddle concerning Sigil (how can you create a portal if only the Lady is able to do it?), recurrence (how can a portal go through a portal?), topology (can human body be considered a restricted two-dimensional space?) and acting (how could have they given such a cool NPC a voice like that in the Polish version?!?!*) *mind you, the rest of the dub is considered equal or better than the original****brought to you by the power of footnotes! 

Lady’s Labyrinths – a vacation resort with revolving doors and huge glowing arrows marking the evacuation route. Unfortunately huge crowds in there may not me your idea of fun, but the return to civilization shouldn’t be a problem even for an average ameba. 

Lady of Pain, the – a way to manifest your creativity. No vision of the system can be complete without an explanation who she is. The more starting assumptions it contradicts, the better. For example it’s widely known that she is more powerful than the gods and doesn’t have worshippers, so making her a goddess seems absolutely logical. We know she never speaks and doesn’t contact mortals directly, so it seems natural for her to have gryphon cavalry, immaterial ghosts that act as her manifestations and human agents that open and close portals for her all over the planes. Unfortunately, her stats seem to always be missing, so we do not know how much XP and what bonuses you get for defeating her. 

Layer 665 – ideal summary of the Blood War Trilogy 

Lim-lim – an animal that should be in the tormenters’ crest. Their feather in the cap basically. 

Mercykillers – I AM THE LAW! DEATH TO EVERYONE! 

Modron – a cute cubic robot with four hands. Speaks in the right voice even. They say there are more of them and all resemble Charlie Chaplin

 “These are not the droids you are looking for” 

Pandemonium -  a plane that doesn’t exist, because Kandrian didn’t mention it. 

Pillar of Skulls, the – sometimes a small pile of talking human (and other) skulls and sometimes a two kilometer tower made of tanar’ri skulls 

Plot, the – lots of oRiginal possibilities. So a prime gets into Sigil and… Or: you lost your memory and know NOTHING about your past. Optionally: your mother was a queen of the Abyss and your father a disabled tiefling so now you are chased all over the planes by the devas. Maybe also… Well… Does anybody needs anything more? “Your mother was a hamster and your father sunk of rotten berries!” 

Power – Geek or Egyptian god, maybe The Lady, her ex or a sigilian bar. Or a huge jellyfish if you are desperate

Ravel – sometimes also called the Punchline. She only wanted to help and get some load off the lady throwing people into the Labyrinths, but got locked up herself. Could get out and kick her ass, but doesn’t feel like it. 

Sigil – the ever-changing city in the form of a ring, consisting of gigantic slums called the Hive and microscopic: Lower Ward and Clerk’s Ward. There’s also the mythical Lady’s Ward, but nobody has ever seen it. All sorts of beings from all the material planes live there (humans are a discriminated minority – balors, solars and various freaks dominate) and there are doors leading to all the planes and dimensions. Otherwise there is no official info. 

“Smoldering Corpse” bar – more canon than the Lady of Pain, worth making into an official rule. 

Spire, the – a mountain Sigil floats above. You can see it, but can’t reach it by foot. Instead, you can jump out of the city, you just need wings or a ring of featherfall or flying cast on yourself. 

Succubus – an unusual type of tanar’ri. As every fanfic writer knows, “always chaotic evil” is not a rule, only a general hint. Not even that really. 

Sung Chiang – a real Big Bad Evil Guy wit a funny name. Has a temple-palace that looks loke a crossbreed of an octopus and a pagoda, for some reason resembling a cathedral on the inside. 

Tanar’ri – the worse kind or fiend (unless it’s a blonde succubus). Love to throw themselves at everything with a loud “WAAAAGH”. Do not like thinking and want to destroy EVERYTHING. Basically, a typical capital E Evil guy. 

Tiefling – demon-blooded human. Always with a tail for some reason, unless we are on a Chaos worshipper’s session. 

Torment – the key word. It’s Serious Business, not some DnDs or something. We suferrrrrr and ROLEplay. No decent title can go without it. Can be substituted with similar things like suffering, pain, blood etc. 

Universal key –IDEAL material not only for an item in your inventory, but for a whole character: a man that walks through all portals without a key. So what they could get activated accidentally? 

Yugoloth – what? You Gollum? You talkin’ to me? 

Zerth – a Jedi of  sorts and githzerai to boot. Has a sword even!