Hopeing for feedback

Fidrikon's picture

Yea, I plan to submit this to planewalker, but being that its my first monster/ playable creature, i figured I better check to see if it was:
A) too unbalancing
B) horribly flawed
or C) just stupid

_________________________

J’tok__________________________
J’tok Cleric 1st level Medium Monstrous Humanoid
HD: 1d8 (4hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 30 feet
AC:12 (+2 leather armor)
Attacks: Longsword
Damage: 1d8
Face/reach: 5feet by 5feet/5feet
Special attacks: Psionics, Stinger (1d3+poison) range touch
Special qualities: Psionic shield, unnerving aura, and sensory host dependency, Amphibious
Saves: fort+2 ref+1 will+3
Abilities: Str: 9, Dex: 11, Con: 10, Int: 14, Wis: 11, Chr: 10
Skills: Climb 6, Disguise 8, Hide 8, Jump 6, Listen*, Move silently 8, Search 4, Spot 4, Survival 5, Swim 7
Feats: quicken spell
Environment: any
Organization: solitary
Challenge rating:1
Treasure: standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: by class
Level Adjustment + 2

Before you is a creature that stands at the height of a man, and that is where the similarity ends. Instead of a mouth, this creature has three vertical slits that look like gills. Its eyes are jet black, with no white or iris at all. Its pale purple skin is tightly drawn across its face, and has the feel of soft leather. There are no visible ears, nose, or body hair.
Its robes are elegant in their simplicity, allowing maximum movement capability.

The J’tok are one of the more mysterious races on the planes. Sightings of J’tok have been told in bars for thousands of years, but there has been little proof, collapsing their existence into myth.
Until recently, when a large party of J’tok entered Sigil, and then dispersed throughout the planes. Even now, J’tok are rare amongst the planes. The Fraternity of Order has spent many a year trying to interview J’tok, but they refuse to answer any questions about their past, except that they can’t go back.
A common belief is that the J’tok in the Planes are exiles, criminals banished from a yet unheard of plane, and for them to go back is to be put to death. But considering the fact that most J’tok are calm and non violent, it is more likely that they are political exiles, former government officials banished after a change in power.
All J’tok speak telepathically, and most have psionic powers.

Qualities

Psionics:
At level 1, all J’tok have the ability to cast mage hand (2 per day), and detect thoughts (1 per day). At level 4, J’tok also gain the ability to cast Cause Fear (2 per day). Gaining Blur (1 per day) at level 6. Upon reaching level 10, J’tok gain telekinesis (25 pounds) which continues to grow at +25 pounds per level. At level 16, the can planeshift, as the spell.

Psionic shield: All J'tok have a +3 to will saves vs mind control or mind effecting spells

Unnerving aura: J’tok do not display emotion, or at least if they do, its in a way that no one else can see. Also, they almost never seem to blink. That, and the rest of their odd characteristics, make them seem positively alien. Effects: +2 to bluff, +2 to intimidate, -3 to diplomacy

Sensory host dependency: Having no ears or nose, the J’tok are unable to use these senses themselves. However, they can use their telepathic bond to use the senses of others. For example, they can use their telepathic bond to use the listen check of any sentient creature within 10 feet.
The Jot’s eyes are black due to a thick lay on the eyeball that acts like sunglasses, and making it easier to see in bright light. However, they are almost blind in the dark, so it is not uncommon to use their telepathic powers to use another person’s sight in the dark. J’tok have a -1 to spot and search checks in normal lighting, which becomes a –4 in the dark. In bright light, the have a +1 to search and spot checks. When alone, a J’tok has an automatic failure on listen checks.

Combat:

While they do their best to use telepathy to calm potential foes, sometimes battle comes to them. When cornered, and forced into battle, the J’tok will fight with a strength and violence otherwise suppressed. J’tok cannot stand heavy axes, hammers, or maces. They prefer to use bladed weapons instead.

Stinger: J’tok, having no mouth, ingest food through a straw-like stinger that jets out of their wrist. Most of the time, the stinger is sheathed inside the J’tok’s wrist. J’tok can drink with this stinger, and can suck nutrients out of rare meat, or animals. They never eat anything that talks, and it is not unheard of to stumble upon a J’tok asking questions to livestock before injecting it. Note: in most cases, the J’tok can ‘stick’ an animal without causing harm.
However, the stinger, when used on anything alive, with inject a small amount of venom that quickly paralyzes the target (fort: DC 17), allowing the J’tok to feed. The injected will regain movement in 1d4 hours. It is common for J’tok to paralyze their foes, and escape in the remaining time.

J’tok Society:
Unfortunately, there have been no large congregations of J’tok since the day they first arrived en masse on the planes. When they do meet, it is by accident. However, they greet each other like all other J’tok are close family members, and trade stories and information freely. But one of them soon departs after a drink or two.
It is very rare to see multiple J’tok together, and they almost never travel together in a party.
Most J’tok gravitate to the Transcendent Order, the Society of Sensation, or the Fraternity of Order.

Religion
The J’tok worship Altaneris. Altaneris is known as ‘the light that drives away the darkness, both of the mind, and of the body. In his path lay the ignorant, in his wake the enlightened.’ Or, at least, that’s what the J’tok say.
His domains are Sun and Knowledge.
Favored weapon: longsword, usually with fire damage.

J’tok characters:

Male names: Finik, Charnik, Q’ell, Nerop
Female Names: Inam, S’kia, Anles, Hirup
Family Names: unknown

A J’tok has the following racial traits
 -2 strength, +2 intelligence While their body is weaker, their mind is strong
 Medium sized
 Psionics, an off shoot of their telepathic powers
 +2 to detect lies, +2 to bluff, Their seeming utter lack of emotion makes them seem less friendly, and far more to read. But with their telepathy, they can read you just fine.
 landspeed: 30
 +1 to reflex and will saves
 +2 to swim checks. Ability to breathe underwater.
 Proficient with: longsword, all simple weapons, and light armor
 Favored Class: Cleric

ven
ven's picture
Offline
Namer
Joined: 2004-12-15
yeah

i think it's pretty okay i mean you could make it better balanced
but other than that it is pretty ok

sphagetti man's picture
Offline
Namer
Joined: 2004-12-21
Hopeing for feedback

sounds cool pretty amazing really balance it out you got a pretty good pc
race

Fell's picture
Offline
Namer
Joined: 2004-12-07
Hopeing for feedback

I'm assuming that in game terms, you'd wish to keep the history of the J'tok unrevealed for the time being. However, I'd be interested in hearing your personal thoughts on what they truly are and where they've come from?

Fidrikon's picture
Offline
Factor
Joined: 2004-12-19
Hopeing for feedback

J'tok history:
One the J'toks home plane, there were two sentient races. One, was the J'tok, the other: the Nyadus.
The J'tok were people of the mind, literaly. They sought to advance civilization, seek out new knoledge. The Nyadus sought only to control. They never resisted any craving of the flesh. Any impulse they had, they acted on. If they were hungry, they would take the food, uncareing of the results.
But when the Two races finally met, the Nyadus saw what the J'tok had, and they wanted it. But they didn't build their own civilization, they sought to claim the J'toks.
They attacked, en masse. The J'tok were dropping like flys. The most powerful J'tok pooled their knoledge, and tried their best to use the combat magic the magi of the planes know so well.
They failed.
When the J'tok were at their weakest, a Single J'tok Cleric apperad. He said he had spent days upon days in prayer to Altaneris. And in response, Altaneris had shown him the way.
The J'tok Cleric (known in legend on as the Tralla) lead his people to the edge of the land still controlled by the J'tok. And there, sat, and prayed.
In response, a white wall of pale light rose from the ground, stretching up to the heavens. the Nyadus could not pass this wall, for them to touch it was for them to burn with silver fire. But to the J'tok, it was just a wall, and it did not harm them, merely prevented them from passing.
In the moment the wall came into being, the Tralla dissapered.

Centuries passed, and the wall held. The Nyadus, still remembering what lay beyond the wall, prepared their armies. They learned the Art of magic, over time. And, over the years, became a civilization of their own. but an unstable one. A civilization that could only survive when at war.
And as the years passed for the J'tok, they took the wall for granted. Some even began to think that the wall had always been their, and the times before were just myths.
As the faith of the people faded, the wall weaked. At first, it was weak at the top, barely noticable by the ones that took its existance for granted.
But the Nyadus saw it. They always watched the wall. And they saw that their victory was soon at hand.
Then the wall became translucant. Birds could fly over it if they flew high enough. And the J'tok began to see their only defense weaken.
They immediatly began to train for war, desperatly attempting to relearn the art of the blade.
And the day the Wall fell, the Tralla reappered.
He strood into the hall of the greatest temple of Altaneris and said
"You have lost the gift of enlightenment. You have traded it for a mere shadow of our former glory. Altaneris knows thei, and weeps. You are no longer worthy of your home land, but you are still capable of redemption."
above the Alter in front of the Tralla, a portal appered.
"Go now, leave this place and all that it represents. For only out their can you redeem yourself in the eyes of our God."
The eniter clergy went through the portle, many who believed the message of the tralla went through, but most stayed. They refused to leave their homes, even for their god.
Adn when the Nyadus hordes stormed in, they died. There was no war. No great battles, just a massacre.
And as the last J'tok on the plane died, the great temple of Altaneris crumbled, closing the portle, forever.

dread pirate swan's picture
Offline
Namer
Joined: 2004-12-21
Hopeing for feedback

wow......for the first time you made something that fits in nicely with everything else.......it's pretty good.......1 thumb up.....only cause i don't like clerics, but hey who am i to judge

*runs off to help a kobald with it's groceries*

GOD
GOD's picture
Offline
Namer
Joined: 2004-12-08
Hopeing for feedback

And whats wrong with Clerics?

Was the Tralla a regular cleric, or was He a Harbinger sent by Altaneris?

dread pirate swan's picture
Offline
Namer
Joined: 2004-12-21
Hopeing for feedback

uhhhhhh....it needs work....i CAN'T explain where cause i'm stupid and the chaotic halfling in my closet will eat my big toe........but he said i can say it needs work.

*off to apease the halfling from hell*

Fidrikon's picture
Offline
Factor
Joined: 2004-12-19
Hopeing for feedback

dude, its a halfling. just get it drunk and throw it to the loths when it passes out. Its not like they can handle that much liquor, their livers are this big.

dread pirate swan's picture
Offline
Namer
Joined: 2004-12-21
Hopeing for feedback

did i fail to mention that the halfling is a drunken master, and an abusive drunk at that, that's why he hits me all the time. and that's why he lives in my closet. and that's why he thinks my big toe is food. and that's why my mom disowned me. and that's why..........

ven
ven's picture
Offline
Namer
Joined: 2004-12-15
Hopeing for feedback

so hold on, an abusive halfling? i am so confused :troll: :spam:

Fonikin Featherbottum's picture
Offline
Namer
Joined: 2005-02-14
Hopeing for feedback

Why is the Hafling thinkin that the big to is food? I dont get it Why? and why is he so mean.[/b]

Fidrikon's picture
Offline
Factor
Joined: 2004-12-19
Hopeing for feedback

A harbinger.

By the way, while the overwhelming majority of you agreed that It could use a little tinkering, none of you said anything about how it could be improved, which is the main reason I asked for your opinions.
Telling me that it needs work doesn't really help me unless I get feedback as to what parts in general.

Side note, if I don't get feedback as to how it should be changed by friday, im submiting it as is. Just a forewarning!

Login or register to post comments
Planescape, Dungeons & Dragons, their logos, Wizards of the Coast, and the Wizards of the Coast logo are ©2008, Wizards of the Coast, a subsidiary of Hasbro Inc. and used with permission.