Well I need help editing a new race for my subbmision to PW. I know it currently is a bit unbalanced and that is why it is here. So without further ado here is the Draken:
Draken
Draken are a large strong reptilian race that seem to be native to the outlands and who live in the closest inner rings. Some gray beards have theorized that the Draken are somehow related to the khaasta as ancestors while Draken lore has them related to two dragons that "nested in the spire." Their relative small numbers, general mistrust of outsiders bordering on xenophobia, and their home being so close to the spire make the Draken a little known race. Also the fact that they look similar to khaasta also helps to obscure them from the greater planes as they are often mistaken for khaasta tribes.
Personality: Draken are a soft spoken people, and when they are known, they are known for saying very few words. There is even a report of one of their adventurers joining up with a mercenary group for several years and then surprising his comrades when he first spoke after not uttering a single word since he joined them. It is there personalities that really set them apart from the khaasta as they do not have the chaotic mindset of the khaasta. When not at work or in battle Draken move very slowly and are known for sitting still for hours on end, barely even blinking.
Physical Description: Draken resemble lizard folk, but are between six and a half to seven and a half feet tall. Males weigh between three-hundred and three-hundred and fifty pounds. Their females tend to be a bit lighter. They are humanoid similar to khaasta and lizard men and bear a very tough scaly hide. They have long and slightly pointed reptilian noses with their eyes set high in their heads. Their scales range in color from dark greens, browns and lighter tones even to deep violets, blues and the occasional dark deep red. They do not have the bone spikes that khaasta do, but instead sport a much thicker hide and longer more powerful tail. Draken tails seem to grow through their entire life and some have been known to grow to be longer than the individual it is on.
Relations: Draken are very distrustful of other races. This probably has to do with their being mistaken for khaasta as well as their general lack of interaction with other races.
Alignment: Draken tend to be neutral although adventuring Draken have been seen as any alignment.
Draken Lands: Draken live nomadically near the spire wandering in tribes of around one-hundred individuals, with-in the first three rings out from the spire, herding various animals from goats to giant lizards. With the Draken living so close to the spire, it comes as a surprise to many graybeards that the Draken do have a strong magical tradition. Draken magic often involves long rituals and has been known to produce surprisingly even frighteningly potent effects. What little is known about the Draken culture even less is known about their spellcasting methods and traditions. Draken are very secretive about their methods and spell rituals often involve nearly the entire tribe for long periods of time. When adventuring away from the spire Draken have been known to take more traditional methods of casting.
Belief: Draken tend to worship draconic deities or aspects there-of. Like their magic they tend to be very secretive keeping their ways from outsiders.
Language: Daken have their own language that is distantly similar to modern draconic. For a race that does not speak much the Draken are great writers with every tribe carrying along a tribal library written on scrolls made out of a paper that the Draken carefully make. Draken make their paper by chewing up and partially digesting plant material and then mixing that pulp with certain clays found in their homelands. They then dry the paper on racks built on the sides of their wagons. They are also able to recycle paper by chewing it up and adding just a little more of the clay. Spoken their language is a slow rolling cadence of growls. Written it uses the basic draconic alphabet plus many other characters and four tenses for all the characters with an elaborate system of punctuation. Their scrolls and writing play an important role in Draken traditional spellcasting.
Names: Draken each have long unique names that often tell a short story about the individual. Likewise their clan names are long and both clan and individual names are often shortened for outsiders when they do trade or go adventuring.
Adventurers: Sometimes, a Draken tribe will wander further out from the spire than normal and meet outsiders and one or two of the Draken will go off with the outsiders out of curiosity or to go and bring back stories of the outside world. It is these Draken that after returning to the tribe often become leaders and speakers for their tribe.
Roleplaying: Remember when roleplaying a Draken keep your voice deep and speak only when necessary. Draken will often punctuate their thoughts with a soft growl and groan instead of speaking, but are otherwise very quiet. Do not tell a story without first hearing one. The world of the outsiders is a dangerous one so keep on your guard and your senses open. Finally Draken tend to be cautious at all times; they think long before going into action but when they go they go for all the way.
Draken Racial Traits
• +10 Strength, +4 Constitution, +2 Wisdom, -4 Charisma; Large and tough Draken are not very social with other races.
• Medium Sized Monstrous Humanoid
• Draken base speed is 30ft
• Draken possess darkvision 60ft
• Draken possess the Scent extraordinary ability
• Draken receive a +6 natural armor bonus; Draken hide is notoriously strong and is often what they are most remembered for. However they will still often wear further layers or armor when they go into battle.
• Natural Weapons: Draken have a bite attack that does 1d6 + str damage and many become proficient with using their long tails for a lashing melee attack. This tail attack requires the martial weapon proficiency feat but is otherwise considered a natural weapon, and deals 1d6 + str bludgeoning damage.
• Automatic Languages: Draken, Planar Trade, Home Region; Bonus Languages: Draconic, Abyssal, Celestial, Infernal
• Plane of Origin: The Outlands
• Favored Class: Fighter
• Monster Hit Dice: Draken have 3d8 + Con modifier hit points in addition to class levels. From these Hit Dice, they have a BAB +3 and base saves of Fortitude +1, Reflex +3, and Will +3. They also have (2 + Int modifier) x 6 skill points. Their class skills for these skill points are Climb, Handle Animal, Intimidate, Knowledge (The planes), Ride, Spot, and Wilderness Lore. They also have 2 feats and proficiency with all simple weapons.
• Level Adjustment +2. With their 3 Hit Dice, Draken have an ECL of 5, so a 1st level Draken Fighter will have 4 Hit Dice (3 from race, 1 from class) and be equivalent to a 6th level character.
Draken
You can never have enough reptiles.
I wouldn't reccomend giving them more miuses. However:
reduce Str to +6 or lower. Having a natural + 3 str mod is still very high when most people have none at all.
Lower the natural armor a little. The rest seams fine. The only reason I say lower the nat armor is because at low levels they would be very tough to hit if they wear armor of any significance.
While they would make great fighters ( with the high str and all) wouldn't it make more sense if they has a favored spellcasting class instead? Im thinking wizard, since being a sorcerer with a - 4 chr isn't going to go over very well.
In fact, even if you lowered the nat armor to +4, for a wizard that would be great. Less arcane spell failure for them to have to deal with.
As far as racial balance goes, let's compare this to an ogre. Both are big, beefy, LA +2 races. (The ogre has four Giant HD rather than three Monstrous Humanoid HD, but the analysis won't stretch that far.)
- The Draken gets an effective +2 Dex, +4 Int, +2 Wis when compared to an ogre. Point to the Draken.
- The Draken is only medium size, and lacks reach. Point to the ogre.
- The Draken has slightly better natural armor, and trades low-light vision for scent.
- The Draken gains some natural weaponry.
Overall, the Draken is probably a touch overpowered for an LA +2 character, but not by much. Naysayers should remember that between the LA and the monster HD, these are 6th-level characters minimum as PCs, where high-20s Str and AC of 20+ isn't necessarily a game-breaker. Possible toning-downs include reducing Str to +8, Wis to +0, or making Scent accessible with only a feat. Otherwise, good job overall.
Ok I've taken the comments given and have come up with this version of the Draken.
Draken Racial Traits
• +4 Strength, +4 Constitution, +2 Wisdom, -4 Charisma; built strong and tough Draken are not very social with other races.
• Medium Sized Monstrous Humanoid
• Draken base speed is 30ft
• Draken possess darkvision 60ft
• Draken receive a +4 natural armor bonus; Draken hide is notoriously strong and is often what they are most remembered for. However they will still often wear further layers or armor when they go into battle.
• Natural Weapons: Draken have a bite attack that does 1d6 + str damage and many become proficient with using their long tails for a lashing melee attack. This tail attack requires the martial weapon proficiency feat but is otherwise considered a natural weapon, and deals 1d6 + str bludgeoning damage.
• Automatic Languages: Draken, Planar Trade, Home Region; Bonus Languages: Draconic, Abyssal, Celestial, Infernal
• Plane of Origin: The Outlands
• Favored Class: Wizard
• Monster Hit Dice: Draken have 3d8 + Con modifier hit points in addition to class levels. From these Hit Dice, they have a BAB +3 and base saves of Fortitude +1, Reflex +3, and Will +3. They also have (2 + Int modifier) x 6 skill points. Their class skills for these skill points are Climb, Handle Animal, Intimidate, Knowledge (The planes), Ride, Spot, and Wilderness Lore. They also have 2 feats and proficiency with all simple weapons.
• Level Adjustment +4. With their 3 Hit Dice, Draken have an ECL of 5, so a 1st level Draken Fighter will have 4 Hit Dice (3 from race, 1 from class) and be equivalent to a 8th level character.
Let me guess, the most recent revision was committed to before I posted, right? 
These guys are absolutely not an LA +4. Half-celestials are an LA +4, and have better stats, inherent flight, damage resistance, spell resistance, energy resistance, disease immunity, and a whole slew of spell-like abilities that a draken lacks. Racial HD are also something to consider, given that three HD worth of monstrous humanoid is equivalent to being forced to take 3 levels of Warrior.
I'd say the old version, with maybe some minor tweaks to the statline or the natural armor bonus, is just about spot-on balance-wise. An ogre's never managed to break a 3.5e campaign; an original-version draken wouldn't either. The revised version, on the other hand, has received two or three blows too many from the nerf bat. 
How about use the current version, but lower the ecl to +2 again and only give them 2d8 hd instead of 3?
Draken Racial Traits
• +4 Strength, +4 Constitution, +2 Wisdom, -4 Charisma; built strong and tough Draken are not very social with other races.
• Medium Sized Monstrous Humanoid
• Draken base speed is 30ft
• Draken possess darkvision 60ft
• Draken receive a +4 natural armor bonus; Draken hide is notoriously strong and is often what they are most remembered for. However they will still often wear further layers or armor when they go into battle.
• Natural Weapons: Draken have a bite attack that does 1d6 + str damage and many become proficient with using their long tails for a lashing melee attack. This tail attack requires the martial weapon proficiency feat but is otherwise considered a natural weapon, and deals 1d6 + str bludgeoning damage. While Draken do posses claws they are dull, short and better suited for digging and climbing rather than fighting.
• Automatic Languages: Draken, Planar Trade, Home Region; Bonus Languages: Draconic, Abyssal, Celestial, Infernal
• Plane of Origin: The Outlands
• Favored Class: Cleric, Druid, or Wizard
• Monster Hit Dice: Draken have 3d8 + Con modifier hit points in addition to class levels. From these Hit Dice, they have a BAB +3 and base saves of Fortitude +1, Reflex +3, and Will +3. They also have (2 + Int modifier) x 6 skill points. Their class skills for these skill points are Climb, Handle Animal, Intimidate, Knowledge (The planes), Ride, Spot, and Wilderness Lore. They also have 2 feats and proficiency with all simple weapons.
• Level Adjustment +2. With their 3 Hit Dice, Draken have an ECL of 6, so a 1st level Draken Fighter will have 4 Hit Dice (3 from race, 1 from class) and be equivalent to a 6th level character.
Draken Feats:
Strong Scale [racial] - You were born with thicker tougher hide than others of your kind.
Prerequisites: Draken
Benefit: You have Natural Armor +8 but also have a -1 penalty to all reflex saves.
Normal: Draken natural armor is +4.
Special: This feat May only be taken at 1st level or before gaining all 3 racial HD.
Draken Ritual Leader [General] - You have learned the ways of Draken magical rituals and are able to lead fellow tribe members in the rituals, chants and dances that are used in Draken magic.
Prerequisites: Draken
Benefit: You gain +2 to all concentration and spell craft checks, and gain concentration as a class skill. You are also able to help lead in a Draken group ritual.
Special: In extremely rare circumstances outsiders may be allowed to learn some of the secrets of the Draken rituals. A non-Draken character must spend at least one half a year learning from a Draken tribe and its elders in order to gain this feat. For every Draken Ritual feat beyond this the character must spend further month learning from the Draken. Time learning need not be spent consecutively, but an outsider must study with the Draken for at least four hours a day for one weak in order for the time to count.
Draken Ritual Singer [General] - You have learned to perform the more difficult and intricate songs and chants of the Draken and are able to use your voice to help focus your fellows.
Prerequisites: Draken Ritual Leader; 5+ Character Level; Perform 4 ranks
Benefit: You may take a full round action to start a ritual chant. A ritual chant follows all rules as bardic music affects with the following exceptions. The singer may designate up to his constitution bonus of allies to aid during a chant. Allies so aided gain a ritual bonus to all concentration, scry, spellcraft and use magic device checks they make during the effects of a chant equal to one plus one for each additional 5DC the singer's perform check is over 10. The singer need not break the DC 10 with his perform check to add the initial plus one. The singer may use this feat a number of times per day equal to his constitution bonus and he may keep a performance going for as long as he chooses to sing. However, the ritual chants do fatigue their singers so that a singer takes subdual damage equal to twice the number of allies aided once every five rounds.
Special: If the character possesses the bardic music ability he may use this feat as one of his bardic songs as well.
Draken Ritual Dancer [General] - You have learned to move with the flows of ritual magics and aid other spellcasters through your dances by lending them your strength.
Prerequisites: Draken Ritual Leader; Perform 8 ranks
Benefit: You may take a full round action to start a ritual dance. The dance follows all rules for bardic music abilities with the following exceptions. The dancer must designate one target for the affect when the dance begins. The dancer then may choose to aid or hinder the target spell caster giving them a ritual bonus or penalty to all caster level checks they make during the dance's affect. That bonus is equal to one fourth the character's total level. The target caster may resist with a will save the DC being equal to the dancer's perform check. A new will save may be made each round the dance is used and each save requires a new perform check. The dancer may keep a dance going for a number of rounds equal to his constitution modifier but is always winded for a round after the dance.
Special: If the character possesses the bardic music ability he may use this feat as one of his bardic songs as well.
1) Gerzel, please do not submit unfinished articles to the site. Once you're done with the draken, go ahead and submit it, but I really didn't appreciate spending half an hour editing your article in the Creature Codex only to accidentally find out that it's a draft version.
(And BTW, I suggest you read Clueless' submission guidelines found on top of every submission form. Specifically, the part about not cut'n'pasting directly from Word.)
2) The last posted version sounds much more balanced, but also a little too khaasta-like. You might want to make them Large creatures (upping the Str and natural AC bonuses again) at a higher LA/ECL; the natural weapon damage values are already too high for a Medium creature. Just a suggestion.
2) The last posted version sounds much more balanced, but also a little too khaasta-like. You might want to make them Large creatures (upping the Str and natural AC bonuses again) at a higher LA/ECL; the natural weapon damage values are already too high for a Medium creature. Just a suggestion.
Sorry for the inconveinence however please understand tthat krypter was the original editor and I did not know that the editorship would change. Krypter did have a note from me telling him of the change. It was a simple misscommunication. I do know the rules and regs of the submissions and forums.
Allthough I would like to point out that all submitted articles are unfineshed. If they were fineshed then editors would not be needed.
Finally I am working on making them different from the khaasta. They have evolved as I have edited and worked with them. Thank you for pointing out the damage for the natural weapons. I forgot to adjust however I will probably re-increase their size.
PS: For Future complaints Neumi, could you please private message me and let me know, rather than scold me on the boards?
Neumi could you please elaborate on how you see the Draken as being Too much like the Khaasta. The stats are similar but I do not see how the races are really all that similar.
I will still use this thread to develop further the Draken race, culture and rules for their use.
Well, apparently Krypter chose to pass it on to the Creature Codex. I don't know why you would submit it to Portals in the first place, crunch monsters/races almost always go to the Codex.
The thing is that we (the editors) prefer to change as little as possible from the original input. That's why we're editors and not co-authors. For example, I had more than a few doubts about a ECL 6 creature with +10 Str & +12 AC, but I wouldn't edit stuff like that (at least without consulting you) because it's ultimately your call.
Posting your creations for dissection on the forum is perfectly OK, it's just that it should be done before you post it to the site, for obvious reasons.
I didn't think you would take that as a scold, and I apologize if you did. Future non-stat-related comments via PM.
Well, apparently Krypter chose to pass it on to the Creature Codex. I don't know why you would submit it to Portals in the first place, crunch monsters/races almost always go to the Codex.
I submitted to planar portals\Denzines. Draken are inhabitants(denizens) of a plane, and in a difficult to reach area of the plane at that. Seems to make sense to me. For them to be submitted there.
Hey, this is a pretty cool idea, somethings i suggest are:
-lower strength mod, or create more minuses to other abilities to correct it
-make the level adjustment higher, like +6(these guys are very strong, and because of there natural armor, high strength, and natural attacks, this amount should be higher.)
other than that i just have some questions:
were did you get this idea?
why did you create another lizard- looking rase, aren't there already enough?