A Hordling to be...

And one by one, they turned from me...

I’m there. The point of no return. The poison makes its dance, and life is short now. Short and cheap. Even now I wonder if anyone will care, if anyone will notice that this world loses another little piece of its life. I believe not.
It’s buzzing with creatures, plants, animal, people, but they are all dead inside. The predator doesn’t see the pain of its prey, and neither boy nor girl notice the shattered heart of the lover they neglect. Most of all, this world is buzzing with pain.

My life only added up to the whole. I never cried, was not allowed to; I had to be strong, for my father had already given up when I was too young to speak. If it were not for me, my family would have broken up years ago. But what would it matter? Now, as time ends and invisible eyes stare at me, waiting for my soul, only very few things matter at all.

Everyone in the village considered me a nice boy, friendly and helpful. Not a single time did one of them care enough to ask why I acted like that, if I had ever chosen to be so. I hadn’t. I grew up and knew only duty, helping my mother, caring for my two younger sisters, and earning the money that my father was too drunk to earn. I was robbed of childhood, I was robbed of any free choice. And disgustingly, people loved what had become of me that way.

One day, I began to understand my father. He fled from the world, drowning his consciousness in pain. He only accidentally drowned my life along with it. But what would have become of me if he hadn’t? Just one more villager who doesn’t see past the surface, who takes a grimace of pain for a friendly smile. Because it’s so much easier.

I helped my father by ending his pain. I took one of his bottles and smashed it on his head, again and again and again. It’s amazing how long it takes until the glass breaks if you choose the right angle.
When he was dead, I carried him away, into the woods. The wolves cared for the rest. Noone noticed it was me who had killed him, not even my family. People believed he had gone for a walk and was surprised by the animal killers – as if he had gone for a walk in years. But again, it was an easy answer.

Still, people began looking at me. First out of pity, than confusion, and finally doubt. I didn’t react like they thought I should have. I wasn’t angry, nor was I sad. I kept my smile like I ever did. For the very first time, they realized it wasn’t true. And somewhere in the depths of their minds, they realized it had never been.

Of course, they still didn’t ask. They preferred to turn away from me, to treat me like a monster. Except of my two sisters, they asked, again and again. That’s why I brought them out of the village before I’ve put the poison in the market fountain. With a bit of luck, they won’t meet any wolves.

In any case, they’ll live longer than anyone who stayed here… including me. The poison gives a painful death.