The Alternative Guide to the City of Doors

Welcome, esteemed readers, to "Queer Sigil" - this primer on the lively, dynamic, alternate face of Sigil. Adventurers used to narrow-minded theocracies and insular, soulless Prime worlds take heed – Sigil will, by its very nature, offer a breadth of experience beyond the realms of your very imagination...still, we're here to talk about more practical matters. Seeking a contact? Looking to unwind? Need a lead into the next dungeon? Sigil's patchwork of life and energy will doubtless throw something up, so follow me, your impeccably-travelled guide, into this portal of the delicious and the sublime...

About the Author:

Elyszara is an Aasimar, born in the Feywild, educated in Sigil and an adventurer of some repute. She considers herself an inveterate dilettante and has dabbled in writing, magic and bladecraft. She has written an acclaimed travelogue on the Court Under the Stars and is now working with the sensualist aesthete Lendys on the present edition of Queer Sigil. She currently resides in the Lady's Ward with her bonded partner, the Firre Eladrin activist Cirily.

The Celestial Ring (Festhall)

Atmosphere:

Redolent with barbed quips, rapid-fire observations on contemporary Eladrin poetry and pungent Dreamsmoke, the Celestial Ring caters to Sigil's suffering intellectuals. Gutter-poets, unappreciated performers, up-and-coming writers all rub shoulders on the Upper Orbit. The festhall reception has plenty of charm, with low-hanging faerie-fire chandeliers, oiled wood and battered, but characterful furniture. The bar is a favourite night-haunt for those in search of love or inspiration, but habitual clients prefer tables in front of the stage. Performances vary from cabaret, to alternative music, to more serious dramatic endeavours.

The Lower Orbit follows an entirely different drumbeat. Narcotics, hedonism and illusory landscapes all mingle in a thick haze. Separate pocket-dimensions cater to different tastes, but the general theme is pansexual bacchanalia. Each end of the Lower Orbit is usually reserved for male and female patrons, with a 'confluence' point to facilitate intermingling in between. The men's section is renowned for its unnatural ability to attract singularly gorgeous Elven and Half-Elven boys of a seriously pliant disposition. On the female side, the Elements Bar is a more serious-minded place for genasi women to hook-up across Elemental heritages. Private, mage-locked booths are available for the more passionate and the less patient.

Clientele:

Heterogeneous, educated, open-minded, tolerant, edgy. Or so the official pitch goes. Of note is Rhithiss of the Five Stars (Elf/M/Ranger 10/N) who holds court with languid, dusky serving-boys in the Lower Orbit. A gadfly and an urban expert on the seamy underbelly of Sigil's high society, he is a great source of information for those wishing to move in Elven circles. The Upper Orbit always has a stool at the bar occupied by Voice (Tiefling/F/Wizard 5/N), an almost iconic young, struggling poet begging for her voice to be heard above the melancholy din of indifferent, bigoted society. Tending the Elements Bar is Hyyla (Water Genasi/F/N), whose impressive contacts with the Genasi community at large allow her to match patrons with their elemental preferences – Hyyla herself is agnostic and will happily flirt with any genasi woman at the bar.

Services:

Free entry for concerts and performancs, though ordering at least a drink is considered good form. Highlights include the High Elf/Half-Elf musical duo 'Shesayne and Faenya' (great, fresh neo-Elven beats on voice and mandolin), the famed Dwarven drummer Borqok and Hex, the sentient raven comedian.

Elyszara says:

The Elements bar is one of Sigil's best-kept secrets and I sinerely hope they keep it that way – cheap, varied, first-rate drinks and plenty of insight – both figuratively and literally – on genasi life. 'Shesayne and Faenya' have great chemistry as an onstage duet and can look forward to big things in Sigil's alt-music scene.

Angel Wings (Festhall, Restaurant and Inn)

Atmosphere:

Informal, yet refined; laid-back, yet elegant, Angel Wings pretty much follows the current social vibe in Sigil's Aasimar community. Some may find it a little pricey – and precious -, but the premium is on the immaculately minimalist surroundings. Silk, Olympian marble, internal pools and low, hardwood tables are all the rage and regular patrons rave about the cast-mithril framed divans. Angel Wings is the first and most renowned women's festhall catering to the Aasimar community. A whiff of angelic blood is normally enough to secure entry and, despite all the sanctimonious hand-wringing, tieflings and their ilk are advised to steer clear.

Both bar and food service are presented impeccably. The restaurant is considered a cut above the average festhall, the wine, mead and liqueur cellar is one of the finest in the city and the upstairs rooms are plush, effortlessly luxurious and immaculately tasteful.

Live harp, flute or percussion music is a fixture throughout the night. The serving-girls are a little demure for my tastes, but perfectly pitched at the serious-minded clientele, who favour sweetly-smiling, unobtrusive service.

Clientele:

Mostly Aasimar adventurers, explorers, warriors, paladins and priestesses. Androgynous, lady-knight chic is the look for Angel Wings and bound to attract the attention of silk-clad sorceresses and mysterious, Eladrin mages. Add to that a good dose of roguish, elfin swashbuckler and you have a pretty erotically charged combination – even though it would be ever so crass to mention it.

Look out for shaven-headed, half-Planetar goddess (not literally – you know what I mean) Unthara of the Radiant Path (Aasimar/Paladin 20/LG) who divides her time between vigilante work in the Hive and Olympian pankration at the Great Gymnasium. Those in search of a lead for another round of dungeon spelunking can track down the elegant, roguish Priska (Aasimar/F/Bladesinger 21/G), a seasoned adventurer with a cadre of adoring disciples – aspiring blademistresses, all. Priska has visited most Prime worlds and has a vast array of maps, campaign notes and specialised equipment – all for a price, of course...

Services:

Drinks are excellent, but pricey. Rooms are of the highest standard and billed accordingly. The management benefits from unique links throughout the city and patrons can skip queues to book places at upscale restaurants, galleries and spas, including the Other Place. Most courtesans catering to the lady-knight in shining armour crowd meet their trysts at Angel Wings.

Elyszara says:

All right, I'll admit it: I'm biased. As an Aasimar myself, I simply don't have the heart to resist the unique vibe I get from Angel Wings. It's one of those cosmically divine places where you sit down for a drink and a chat and only realise the next day has dawned after your fourth bottle of Feywine.

Moradin's Hammer (Drinking and Feasting hall)

Atmosphere:

Hot – and I mean beard, steel and muscle hot. Technically, they don't even allow women, let alone those of a pointy-eared variety, but for the purposes of research, they made an exception. No better place to get your fix of pulsing, Dwarven manhood at its well-oiled, stony-muscled best. Non-warriors need not apply, Moradin's Hammer draws the toughest Dwarf crowds from across Sigil and beyond. A long, drinking-hall style chamber sits in front of a roaring, conjured fire. Ale, mead and hard spirits flow freely, as do sonorous, belligerent war-chants.

Fights are common, but part of the entertainment. Seriously, if you're not a Dwarf, think twice about coming. The crowd can get especially rowdy if halflings and gnomes decide to drop in. Admission is a one-off charge and it's free-flowing alcohol from there until the next day. Brawls are indistinguishable from orgiastic revels, so a good knowledge of Dwarven etiquette is absolutely indispensable. A good night at Moradin's Hammer is guaranteed to split your skull and dislocate both your shoulders. There is something poetic, though, about hard bodies tussling – Elven men should check it out to see what they're missing.

Clientele:

Hard, battle-scarred Dwarves from all cultural streams. Duergar and Derro are by no means welcome. Class distinctions matter little, with thegns and commoners mixing quite happily in the boisterous revels. Thorbol (Dwarf/M/Fighter24/N) is an institution at Moradin's Hammer – a mighty, and mightily debauched, warrior in his native Ironforge, he styles himself as the most truculent champion Dwarvenkind has ever known. Thorbol is an excellent source of information for those interested in underground exploration and brings a wealth of mining, combat and exploration skills to all who can match him at wrestling, axe-throwing and ale consumption. More sinister is Gordik (Dwarf/M/Cleric20/CE) who is, in his own words, “a Dwarf of the most effil kind”. An infamous violator of plump, halfling men and rotund gnomish illusionists, his appetite for carnal pleasures knows no bounds. He is Sigil's only manufacturer of chain and leather golems and has a longstanding relationship with arms suppliers from the Abyss. It is whispered that this fork-bearded paragon of Dwarven masculinity has networked dealings with numerous Sigil high-ups.

Services:

First-class armour repair, weaponsmithing and sauna – all on the house for members of the Battering Ram Club. Membership is paid only in Dwarf-cut gems, but saving up to be a card-carrying associated of Moradin's Hammer is more than worthwhile for connoisseurs of exquisite, blunt weapons...

Elyszara says:

I definitely got my muscle fix and you won't find sheer energy of this calibre anywhere else in Sigil. When the thrash-drums and spoken word epic poetry started flowing, I pretty much felt like diving in myself.

Universal Necessities (Shop)

Description:

Young, but promising alchemist Sieglinde Kreiner (Human/F/ Artificer 9/G) and her lovely wife, Arima (Air Genasi/F/Mage 6/G), run one of the friendliest and most approachable alchemical and magical supply shops in the city. After a few excursions to the Prime too many, the couple decided to settle down in Sigil and start a business. Universal Necessities brings together their unique experience and insight to offer quality items to the discerning client. Sieglinde's a stickler for precision, so the tall shelves of crystal jars, brass pots and containment fields are all meticulously labelled and inventoried. The shop's drawing room is warmly lit, hardwood-panelled and nicely-carpeted and you can expect a cup of tea and a smile each time you drop in to browse their bewildering selection of items. Sieglinde and Arima, though, are there to guide you through the process one step at the time. Cheery, voluptuous Arima, in particular, has a knack for coming up with the right solution to any adventurer's exigencies. One of the few emporia in Sigil where the needs of the female adventurer are always first and foremost in mind.

On Offer:

Sieglinde makes all her own potions, elixirs, infusions and ritual components. A former adept of the cult of Tiamat, she is an expert in fertility magic and will capably advise couples of all types and persuasions seeking to conceive children or improve their love life. Arima deals with tomes, orbs and wands, as well as magical item repair. Her specialty is Air and Light magic and her Radiant Wands are already being touted as an upcoming 'must-have' for all mages who want to stay in the 'Circle'. The inner shop contains a truly wonderful premium selection – but this is a jealously guarded secret. Only trusted customers are allowed to peruse this delightful little treasure-trove.

Elyszara says:

The most pleasant and intelligently-stocked adventuring shop for arcane casters in Sigil. Period. Plus, the relationship dynamics between tall, stately Sieglinde and sensual, flighty Arima are absolutely adorable.

Minos Bodyworks (Shop)

Description:

No-one does the male form like Proklos (Minotaur/M/Fighter 8/E). A member of the Sons of Minos faction of Minotaurs, Proklos was exiled from his labyrinth after failing to renew his yearly tributary contract of seven virgin boys from the neighbouring city-state. This would have been an existential failure for most Minotaurs, but Proklos persevered and found his vocation in sculpture. Now, the greatest warriors, paladins and swordsmen of Sigil gather every ninety-nine days to bid for Proklos' next sculpting contract. For astronomical fees, Proklos will create a bronze, marble or granite statue sufficiently lifelike to send Dwarven sculptors tearing their beards out in frustration. Proklos is a serious admirer of the perfectly sculpted male form and translates this effortlessly to the plastic arts. After a contract is secured, he works on nothing else for ninety-nine days.

The lucky warrior is oiled with a special, single-grove Olympian olive oil and painstaking measurements are taken, followed by detailed sketches etched onto wax tablets. Subsequently, the customer selects the desired pose and Proklos sets to work. Metals are exclusively from the City of Brass, granite is either from Gehenna or the Elemental Plane of Earth, marble is quarried in Elysium. Each statue is a genuine masterpiece and desperately sought after by collectors. Proklos' wild success means that he has also set up an open workshop and gallery next to his foundry for visitors to admire his dedication to perfection.

On Offer:

Proklos only produces a single scuplture every nintey-nine days. The contract is bid for in an open auction and competition is fierce, almost cut-throat. Proklos only works on men and, more stringent still, the subject in question must have a flawless, Classical form. Paunchy mages and lanky thieves need not apply. Proklos' workshop also produces some of the finest non-magical bronze armour and weaponry in Sigil. The Proklos brand is widely viewed as the saviour of the flagging bronze industry in Sigil.

Elyszara says:

Proklos' exhibitions are breathtaking. He captures muscle, power and motion like no other. If you're not up for the exorbitant sculptor's fee, console yourself with a bronze broadsword and take home a masterwork that puts many magical items to shame.

Labrys Foundry (Festhall and Body Art Parlour)

Atmosphere:

Burning, sweltering, hard-core and very, very fiery – the Labrys Foundry is a little piece of the City of Brass in an abandoned iron smelter in the outskirts of the Hive. The place for fire genasi women to be seen, with all the grungy, metallic, faux-industrial worker chic you can wave your fiery orb at. A big, bound Fire Elemental is the resident bonfire at the centre of the multi-layered dancefloor, with the bar being made entirely out of steel girders. Fire genasi and tieflings should be right at home in the burning penumbra, but other races are advised to take an ice-gem with them. Entry policy is women-only, but, besides that, pretty liberal. Inside, it's pretty unique and fire genasi fashions are all in proud sight: expect lots of bronze/copper piercings, molten-metal wire tattoos, overalls and worker's shirts...which is just fine by me.

No other place socialises fire genasi quite like this one. Efreet, tieflings and their ilk are welcome, too – with pure-blooded efreet getting more than their fair share of attention. Fire genasi girls are a flexible bunch, but you won't find many frills, bells or whistles here. The music is grinding and very brassy, the dancing is hard and hot. Highlights include the “Smelting”, when molten brass is poured into a vast dimensional gate, showering the dancefloor with sparks. Flammable races take note.

Clientele:

Fire genasi and tieflings predominate. Mostly angry, socially active types, with a good number of minor sports celebrities and spit-and-sawdust poets writing free-verse in cant. It can be a tough crowd is you're a purebreed, but us halfbreeds seem to get on just fine. A helpful source of information at the bar is Tuz (Fire Genasi/F/Rogue 4/N), who has contacts in the City of Brass and knows a good number of otherwise unapproachable tieflings. If you're lucky, you can sometimes spot up-and-coming khalq star Ignir (Fire Genasi/F/Rogue 7/N), who's taut, athletic poetry in motion. I know Dwarves at Moradin's Hammer who would kill for a belly like that, but I digress...Ignir's a lynchpin for the local genasi community and a dedicated follower of Hestia. She's a leading exponent of 'Red Rights' (a loose confederation of fire genasi and tiefling women's interest groups).

Services:

Two rules: watch the drinks, watch the narcotics. This is all inflammable stuff, but Tuz will be happy to find the right drink for you, especially if you're in the mood to try your luck with one of the patrons. A word of warning, though. Fire genasi women can be a jealous, possessive bunch. One night stands can turn into lifelong complications...But, if you're into fire genasi fashions, the Labrys Foundry has one of the finest jewellery and piercing emporia in Sigil. (Hint: only cowards ask for anaesthetic).

Elyszara says:

I woke up with a crushing headache the following day, but the Labrys Foundry is one of the hottest tickets – pun intended – in Sigil's social scene. Lots of energy, lots of action and lots of racial pride. If you can stand the heat, you'll find plenty of good contacts.

The Secluded Grove (Festhall)

Atmosphere:

For a touch of the natural world in the stone jungle of Sigil, drop by the Secluded Grove. A genuine druid's treat, nestled by the rough-hewn menhirs of a Gaian temple. This little refuge from the rough, smoky backstreets of Sigil is a gem of organised chaos. Admission is paid at the door as a token offering to the Mother Goddess. Food can be plucked from the verdant, low-hanging vines and drink milked from domesticated beehives and enchanted gourds overflowing with fruit-must. Inside it's warm, humid and moss-grown. Chairs, tables and even the stage and bar are natural, living protrusions of the vast plant-organism that makes the cave containing the Secluded Grove its home. Bioluminescent insects and fungi keep everything glowing nicely, and fragrant dew from a truly stunning array of exotic blooms makes this the freshest air-quality experience you're likely to get this side of the Other Place's Air Elemental mask.

The music's great, too: satyrs piping (and you know what that means, sweet nymphs and shepherd boys...), sylphs on the wind-chimes and pretty nifty Wood Elf drummers in those tight little loincloths more Elven men ought to be made to wear – but that's just me. My advice is to dress like the locals (loose tunics and shifts, at most) and go barefoot to show off plenty of those Mother-Earth type anklets and toe rings. Organic niches, sweat-rooms, smoke-rooms and side-rooms are all available. There's a Naiad pool on the basement level and some seriously spicy faerie-knights when a representative of the Court Under the Stars is in Sigil. On the upper floor, the Artemis Alcove is women-only (favourite nymph hangout in Sigil – they can actually take off their veils!), just as the Apollo Parlour accepts only male patrons (I'm told an Aspect of Ganymede sometimes plays the harp here and Lendys assures me that this is a must-see).

Clientele:

Rangers, druids and all the sylvan races. Bawdy satyrs keep the place going long into the night. Elves rub shoulders with fae and assorted nature spirits. Tieflings and improperly attired humans will draw a few stares, but no hostile vibes whatsoever – this is a place of pure revelry and relaxation. Lewd, all-male comedies are the crowning touch of the Dionysans – a group of riotous satyrs whose fixed-expression masks alone are worth the price of admission. Blasphemy is the keystone of their performances, and evenly distributed so that no single deity grows jealous of another. Adventurers should seek out tall, pale Irann (Wood Elf/F/Ranger 14/N) and her partner, the short, dark, muscular Huntress (Wild Elf/F/ Ranger 14/N)- names, in her tribe, are apparently only shared between intimates. They are respectively experts in boreal/temperate forests and tropical/equatorial jungles. Their tracking, pathfinding and stalking skills in their home environments are utterly peerless and they will be happy to accompany worthy adventuring parties on particularly challenging expeditions.

Services:

Healing, holistic therapy, herbalism and meditation above all. The attached temple provides spiritual guidance and organises fertility revels. Unlike most religious institutions in Sigil, basic medical care, food and shelter are offered free of charge. Those in need of a discreet and capable barefoot doctor would be well advised to ask the friendly staff at the Grove.

Elyszara says:

Raucous, earthy and sensual – you always manage to leave with your soul and your body lightened from all their worldly burdens. An evening spent amongst the haunting, moonlit glow of this oasis of peace in Sigil is more than enough to make up for twenty smoky, mist-shrouded days. Go and leave your inhibitions at the door.

The Well-Worn Hexagram (Festhall, Tavern and Inn)

Atmosphere:

A more traditional set-up for one of Sigil's darkest, smokiest and most scheming night-spots. The place only comes alive when the last light has faded under the shadowy mantle of the Hive's seamy evenings. Tieflings predominate and there are plenty of poisoned daggers, well-adorned horns and midnight-dark cowls to slide through the cramped dining hall. Smoke from uncounted narcotic plants fills the air – sweet, pungent and virulent all at the same time. It's good to have darkvision here, because daggers and venomous words meet the unwary in the forbidden nooks and crannies that surround the bar. Lurking upstairs in the ramshackle but characterful inn isn't much better, either. Overnight stays are usually business of one kind or another and the cleaning staff has developed a singular aptitude for cleaning up suspicious stains

The bar is one of Sigil's most evocative spaces: a stylised summoning-circle with plenty of coldly beautiful, leather-clad tiefling bartenders to quicken the blood. As an Aasimar, I got my fair share of predatory stares – not all of them, I must admit, unwelcome. Gambling is big business here, and in the backrooms, you can mortgage your soul for forbidden artifacts and blood-pacts with beings who make their lairs in the space between dimensions...potent stuff.

Clientele:

Tieflings, Drow, Githyanki and a good assortment of shiftier humans. You definitely come for the Tieflings, though, and the selection doesn't disappoint. Cowled assassins and flame-bound warlocks keep proceedings suitably dense and foreboding. If you're in this part of town, you can't afford to bypass Min (Tiefling/F/Rogue 18/N), a Hive treasure and institution, in more ways than one. Min is widely considered to be the most prolific skirt-chaser in Sigil, bar none – and I'll be the first to swear by her skills with the dagger, and much else besides. She also knows this notoriously labyrinthine neighbourhood like the back of her very talented hand – always a plus if you want to give the dead-book a skip.

Scheming at the bar is Vettun (Drow/M/Rogue 9/E), who leads a radical faction of worshippers of Vhaerun who believe that the future of the Drow male is in violent revolution against his female oppressors. They're a pretty tightly-knit group and contact of any kind with females – especially Drow females – is frowned upon. On the plus side, Vettun has a massive information network of touts, who frequently double as rent-boys, and keeps tabs on most of Sigil's socially active Drow priestesses. He has a weakness for silver-haired Drow men of taste - but like most of his kind, he reasons with his scimitar first...

Services:

Top-notch dark concoctions, including the only real Drow fungus-wine you're likely to get in the Hive. Baatorian firewater is a roaring treat if you can stomach it and an absolute must if you want to have a snowflake's chance in Nessus with that deliciously evil Tiefling warlock. Prices are surprisingly reasonable, but watch your change! Rooms in the inn are available, no questions asked. Narcotics of all kinds are sold openly at the bar and of generally outstanding quality.

Elyszara says:

Officially, I don't have a demon fetish, but any good Aasimar or Eladrin looking to let her hair down should definitely give this a try. Just watch your back and bring a friend.