Uliusshuk, Illithid Sensate

Generally, I would turn down a brain as insipid and uninspiring as yours. In your case, I’ll make an exception.

--Uliusshuk, illithid performance-eater

"Uliusshuk? (That’s ooh-lee-oos-SHOOHK. Note the pronunciation, berk.) He’s a mind flayer. An illithid. I know freakish Sensates like you think he’s charismatic, but he’s a brain-sucking monster, okay? Just making sure that’s clear.

All right. He’s around middle age, for a flayer. He’s not young. Like most of his kind, he dresses in these fancy robes, with symbols or writing or whatever on them. No, I don’t know what they mean – mostly. This greybeard tells me it’s qualith script, illithid writing, you know. Anyway, one of them says he’s part of the Nourisher Creed, flayers who manage thralls for a living. Kind of like how Primes have shepherds or stablemasters. Before the Faction War, he wore this big Sensate symbol on his shoulder, but he doesn’t anymore.

Anyway, these robes -- a lot of the time they're black, but they can be red, or dark blue, or whatever he feels like wearing that day. Maybe some fancy trim. Sometimes he has a cloak too, with or without a hood, depending on his mood. And he usually has this elaborate bone jewelry, like bone rings, or he’s wearing the top half of some poor cutter’s skull on each arm for decoration. Or a couple of skulls (with the top or part of the back missing, you know it, berk) on each side of his belt. Sometimes he has one fancy-looking dirk or another on him, but nothing more serious.

He’s got the mauve, slimy-looking skin and all, but if you’ve seen other illithids, his tentacles are thinner and a little longer than the usual. He’s proud of that, too. Oh, and the rest of him is fat. Not like, obese, but he’s a pudgy guy. Just in case, I wouldn’t say that to his face, but I get the impression he’s supposed to look like that, the same way you never see a thin chef.

Now for the good stuff, berk. Uliusshuk is a performance-eater. Don’t know what that is? Now, remember what I said about how mind flayers love to eat brains? Most flayers can’t eat half as many brains as they really want to, because there aren’t enough thralls to go around. So they came up with the performance eaters. The flayers come up with some poor sod with a tasty brain, and some guy like Uliusshuk chows down on it like it’s this really elaborate tea ceremony. Illithids are all telepaths, so he does his esper thing and lets them know just how good it tastes. A lot of performance eaters have these special tricks, like making the poor sod hurt more, or nibbling on one teensy bit of brain at a time. Anyway, he gets all the flayers really excited, eats the poor bastard’s brain, and they all go away happy. That’s Uliusshuk.

He doesn’t spend all his time here in the Cage. In fact, he’s usually out on some Prime world or another, doing his ‘performances.’ He’s from a world called Gyrus, wherever that is, but he goes to Glyth and Falx a lot, and other places too. Sometimes different spots on the planes. Seems he’s really famous among the flayers – they think he’s this great artist.

All right, now the stuff you really want to know. Before the Faction War, this cutter was actually a big-name Sensate. Not all Sensates are about frolicking in fields of roses, berk. Some of you sods are into seriously dark experiences. Uliu was one of the leaders of those guys. I have to give him some credit -- he's gone in for some experiences that even a mind flayer would be afraid to try. Mostly, though, I think he'd rather get other sods to do those kinds of things to themselves.

His specialty, of course, is brain extraction. It was actually a huge fad in that crowd for a while – there’s one guy who got Uliusshuk to eat his brain three times, all because the flayer got curious about what a brain would taste like the second time around. He’s kind of picky about his brains, though, doesn’t really want just some sod off the street. Rumor says he’s always on the lookout for brains of people from really weird races, very smart people, cutters who’ve had unusual experiences, that kind of thing, and he pays bounty hunters and slavers a fortune to help him.

Oh, he’s up and said he won’t eat the brain of another Sensate without the sod’s consent. He does make some of them nervous, naturally. As far as I know, Uliu never once broke that, though you wouldn’t believe how many Sensates he’s persuaded to do it voluntarily.

He’s got his tentacles into a bunch of businesses in the Cage that cater to ‘extreme’ experiences, and by that I mean a lot of the really painful stuff that even most Sensates shy away from. That greybeard I know thinks he’s probably got something going with the Abysmal Creed – that’s flayers who are even more into the pain and terror thing than normal flayers. And that’s saying a lot, berk.

I'm not sure how he manages it, but the Harmonium doesn't really get in his way. I mean, he doesn't just openly go out and grab some berk and suck out his brain. I figure he knows every little point about Sigil law when it comes to brain eating, and I think a lot of the really nasty stuff happens out of town. The Hardheads have investigated him once or twice, never found anything, but there are still rumors of these wonky ‘dinner parties’ at his kip in the Lady’s Ward. Like, entire rrakkma bands. Probably just screed.

Speaking of rrakkma bands, there are giths all over, so he’s careful about when and where and how he appears in public. I have never seen him appear in public anywhere without some kind of bodyguard, and if he’s appearing as himself, he usually has a whole entourage. You wouldn’t believe how many messed-up Sensates this guy has as admirers and hangers-on… But he often goes around in disguise too. Your best chance of finding him outside his kip is in the Festhall. Even if he’s not working on a ‘performance’ of his own, he’s something of a patron of the arts, and you can sometimes find him watching one of the plays, browsing through sensory stones, or something like that. Even if he’s not around, hang out with the creepier members of the Entertainer’s Guild and they’ll point you the right way.

Not just because he’s an illithid, but because of his, you know, profession, a lot of giths will drop everything and go after Uliusshuk if they get a chance. Not one of them has gotten through yet, though the flayer’s been injured more than a couple of times.

Now, I hope I’ve made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with that slimy, brain-munching sod. No? Your funeral. I know the berk comes off as real friendly, charming, all that blek, but the real Uliu would give a tanar’ri the creepies.

Oh, how do I know all these darks about him? That’s simple. You know that entourage of his… Yeah. I used to be into the Sensate thing myself, before the war. I just had to try a brain extraction, just once. Take my word for it, some experiences you’re better off skipping."