Jack Hammer McStoneface, Private Eye

The Great Hippo's picture

"Bullets were falling like rain. And I was getting soaked." -Jack Hammer McStoneface in It Always Rains, Chapter 8

If you turn left at Dead Berk Boulevard, step backwards into the first alleyway you see, and successfully whistle any well-known tune in reverse, you might just end up in The Tiefling's Tale, Sigil's premier fiction bookshop. Here you'll find every series imaginable--from the bloodsoaked stories of Drizzle Durden, the dual katana wielding half-demon half-dark-elf (with wings!) tortured by a mysterious past, to Doctor Von Grimskull's tales of two-fisted justice and steam-powered zombies (to quote the titular character: "The Doctor is in... vincible!")

But you won't find a single copy of one of the most popular series, Jack Hammer McStoneface. In fact--if you even ask--you'll probably be lead straight out the door.

No one there wants to talk about how all the McStoneface books recently disappeared. They don't want to discuss the black cloud that's been floating over block after block of the Hive. They certainly don't want to speak about the constant rain, or the way that everything under the cloud is temporarily drained of color, or the people who are reportedly disappearing and reappearing as completely barmy, convinced they're characters from the McStoneface books. And there is no way in the Nine Hells that they will even approach the subject of who may lie at the center of that cloud--Jack Hammer McStoneface himself, acting out the last chapters of the unfinished finale.

"I was tied to a chair. Benito had a tire-iron. Pissing him off was the smart thing to do."* -Jack Hammer McStoneface in It Always Rains, Chapter 12

The Dark of It: A block-wide rain-cloud is sweeping over the Hive, draining anything under it of color and temporarily turning people and objects into characters and props from the last unfinished Jack Hammer McStoneface novel. Anyone caught beneath the perpetual rain immediately becomes a black-and-white caricture from a hard-boiled detective novel (think Sin City or Max Payne). Armor turns into pin-stripe suits, bows and arows into guns and bullets, cross-bows into shotguns, and swords into clubs, lead-pipes, and pipe-wrenches. This change is purely cosmetic; all objects and related feats function exactly the same under the cloud. Characters must make a Will save (DC: 20) or be caught up in their new role, acting out their part in the novel for as long as they remain underneath the cloud. Groups of muggers turn into hired goons sent by Benito (the villain of the novel), merchants turn into club-owners, and adventurers into beat cops or hard-bitten detectives on the killer's trail.

At the center of this cloud is Jack Hammer McStoneface himself--the titular character of the McStoneface novels. Unaware of the fact that he's a fictitious character, he now acts out the sordid tale contained in the last unfinished McStoneface book, It Always Rains, pursuing the crime-lord Benito and his accomplice, the Dame-Killer.

Killing Jack is nigh-impossible; he has tons of DR and an outrageous sack of hitpoints. To beat him without violence, players must either convince the original author (a drunken dust mephit) to finish the series or end the story themselves and act it out with Jack. Benito needs to be beaten, the killer found, and the dame (whoever she may be) saved. Jack will usually die at the completion of the story in a blaze of glory. So long as Jack either dies or ties up the loose-ends, the rain-cloud dissolves and the effect ends.

Wherever Jack goes, a cheesy narrator (Jack himself) can be heard, narrating the action in standard noir-style. Only creatures who made their initial save can hear it; those wrapped up in the story can't.

The Lady of Pain and the Dabus ignore Jack. They are immune to the effects of the rain-cloud, and his activities do not threaten the city as a whole.

Appearance: Jack isn't built like a brickhouse--brickhouses are built like Jack. A slab of rock roughly fashioned into the semblance of a 7 foot tall man, with fists like sledgehammers and a lit stogie always clutched between his clenched teeth. He wears a black trench-coat and matching hat, and is always accompanied by Sally and her sister, Mary--his pet-names for a colt .45 and pipe-wrench (sling with pouch of of +1 stones and +1 club). Jack is a male Stone Genasi, CN Barbarian 8.
Personality: Jack is a consummate detective novel hard-ass anti-hero; dark, vicious, brutal, but ultimately out to beat the killer into a bloody pulp and save the day. Killing Benito and catching the dame-killer (and saving the dame) are the only concerns he has; he is completely unaware that he's a fictional character, and any attempt to explain this to him is probably just going to result in a lot of confusion (and eventually some fists). He'll accept help in his quest, but only begrudgingly.

Adventure Hook: People in the Hive are throwing a *fit*. Some stormy raincloud keeps sweeping by and disrupting everybody's day, turning everything topsy turvy; by the time the cloud leaves, no one remembers what happened or why they're missing teeth and sporting fresh bruises (or how they ended up in this ditch). The people in the Hive want an end put to this madness, and some of them may be willing to pay.

* With apologies to Max Payne.

Hymneth's picture
Joined: 2006-08-01
And just for the sake of propriety. . .

Winner of the Hellbound Character Creation Contest

link_the_hero's picture
Joined: 2006-06-28
Re: Jack Hammer McStoneface, Private Eye

definitivamente hermoso ... bravo

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