A Just-So Story

Best Beloved, would you like to hear how Slaad got his ranks? No? Shall I get out the... oh, I knew you'd see it my way. When the gods of creation made the First Mortal, they gave him the task of naming every creature in existence. (I'll show you what hard is, Best Beloved, if you don't shut up). So First Mortal was merrily skipping about the multiverse, naming thiscreature Xeg-Yi, and this creature Thesselmonster, and this one Wombat.One day he came upon a strange froglike creature, who he called Slaad.Now Slaad was an arrogant beast, and he thought, "Every creature getsone name. Shouldn't I, beautiful Slaad, deserve more than they?" SoSlaad snuck to the end of the line, and when his turn came up again,why, he got a new name! Slaad was so delighted by this trick he triedit again. And again. You can imagine the havoc this caused with thegods' records! Thoth came storming up to First Mortal, demanding toknow why there were more names floating around than species to fitthem! After a thorough head count and strip search, Slaad's trick wasrevealed. "I've named thousands of creatures," protested First Mortal,"how can I be expected to tell Slaad from Bullywug from Froghemoth?"The gods discussed this, and had an idea. (I think you'll find the window as thoroughly sealed as the door, Best Beloved.)Anyway, Moradin forged a brand of mithril and adamantine, and made abright red mark across Slaad's forehead. "Now you can tell him apart,"the gods told First Mortal. But Slaad would not be contained. He laidan egg (Yes, he. Slaad biology is complicated, Best Beloved) in each ofthe next four creatures in line. As soon as the beast had been named, ababy Slaad hatched from it, with a new name! Thoth was so frustrated he tore his head off and replaced it with aheron's. "This'll fix 'em," he muttered, and Moradin forged four newbrands, and they were branded in four new colors. (No, I don't know what color Death is, Best Beloved. Would you like to find out? I didn't think so.)As I was about to say, the gods made the colors hereditary. So FirstMortal never named them again, and now I've told you how Slaad got hisranks. What will you do for me in return, Best Beloved?