Devorn's Handy Guide to the Sigil Cant

Before a newcomer engages in the intricacies of Sigil's politics, it's a good idea that they understand the nature of its slang. In order to help the layman and newcomer to the Cage to figure out the meaning of various words, we've included a small selection of phrases and their basic 'rough' translation in common for your perusal.Cutter - The word's rough meaning stems from 'cutting someone down to size'. Generally meant as an insult or threat. To call someone a 'cutter' is to basically tell them you're going to somehow damage their ego, through words or action.Sod - Derivative from sod, as in the rough sort of fertilizer used by some to help grow plants in Sigil. Meant to indicate a man of pragmatic or earthly nature; a 'sod' is someone who is level-headed and intelligent in any given situation. Calling someone a 'poor sod' means to indicate that they are a pragmatic-but-unwealthy individual, a down-to-earth kind of person who does not look for material gain. Over-used as a generic compliment.Pikoff - Pronounced 'Pie-Cough'. The name of a wealthy member of the Xaositect who lives in the Hive and is generally a respectable member of society. His name has become so synonymous with good-will and helpfulness towards visitors to Sigil that people often exclaim his name as a way of indicating their open-ness to engage in conversation. (Example : If you ask someone if they can give you directions, and they respond 'Pikoff', they are essentially telling you they'd be more than happy to help you)Barny - Sometimes mispronounced with an m instead of an n. This word is included only because it's so often used that it has been mistaken for part of Sigil's vernacular - in actuality, it is the name of over half of the individuals in the city. No one can explain this strange phenomenon, although some credit it to a strange fascination with the letter B that seems present throughout the Multiverse. Barnies, the plural, has come to represent a group of individuals named Barny.Chaosmen - Also known as the Xaositects. The ruling class of Sigil. Often they are mistaken by newcomers as madmen and lunatics, but their strange almost unpredictable behavior is actually one of Sigil's most ancient traditions, dating back to the original Xaositect members who settled here over 50 years ago. Realizing the need to maintain both an enigmatic air and secrecy in their government so they would not be over-thrown by tyrannical dictators (Such as the Fraternity of Order), they proceeded to construct a fascinatingly complex array of behaviors which would allow them to speak to one another in secret without anyone ever understanding what they were saying. The symbolic arrangement of gestures and words range from what seems to be perfectly normal to what appears, to the uneducated observer, as pure madness. Other members of Sigil have come to accept this as a daily routine of life, and often treat the Xaositect as if they were not even there. A large number of the Xaositect's membership are named Barney, lending further credence to the B-Theory of the Multiverse.Lady of Pain - Actually a brothel found deep in the Lady's Ward (hence the name) which has gained some notoriety for it's level of proficiency in satisfying the desires of its various clientele. When speaking of the Lady of Pain, or Her Serenity, Sigilans may be speaking of the brothel or one of its various employees. Because of the immense skill these prostitutes possess, they are treated with a strange almost religious air of reverence. To anger the Lady of Pain is to be denied services at the brothel. Understandably, very few wish to anger the Lady of Pain.Hard-Heads - Slang for the Harmonium, a strange group of insane tricksters who go about the city performing practical jokes and weaving deceit upon deceit wherever they go. Known for their red-armor and love of trying to fool newcomers to Sigil, Harmonium often attempt to convince a new arrival that they are actually some sort of legal task force. Relatively harmless and generally incompetent, they are easily brushed aside as long as you remain firm and unbending no matter how far they take their ludicrous lies. Prone to anger when their tricks do not fool someone.Knight of the Post - The true policing force of Sigil, these individuals are planted throughout its city-streets in order to lend their services and talents to those who are unfamiliar with Sigil's customs or its unique geography. Feel free to ask someone if they are a Knight of the Post - It is often hard to tell, as they wear no badge or emblem and come from a variety of stretches in life. Introduce yourself as a Clueless and they'll be happy to lend you a hand.Tanar'ri - One of the most curious of creatures in Sigil. Despite their fiendishly frightful looking appearance, the Tanar'ri are actually helpful janitors and servants of the City of Doors. Their origins are as mysterious as their mannerisms, possibly predating even the ruling Xaositect. Existing to help whenever they can, they often will help point out specific spots of interest, carry your luggage, or even help you return to your plane of origin. They have a natural tendency to be lazy, however, and will try to shirk off their duties if at all possible - when asking them for their aid, you must be firm and forceful, telling them what you expect of them and not allowing them any room to squirm out of it.I hope this guide to some of the deeper chants of Sigil helps you along, sod! Just keep these facts in mind, and watch your step and your back, and you shouldn't have any trouble at all navigating Sigil. Read on for my next chapter - How To Impress That 12 Foot Tall Floating Woman With The Spikey Hair, or Beating Up The Dabus For Fun And Profit. Until next time, Pikoff!-DeVorn, Xaositect extrodinare